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Taming Negative Self-Talk: Neuroscience and Your Wellness

You’ve likely encountered that nagging voice inside your head saying, “I can’t do this” when you’ve tried to improve some aspect of your wellness: eating more veggies, moving more, getting more sleep, or maybe meditating. Or maybe you’re critical of yourself when you look in the mirror. But don’t get disheartened. There’s some exciting neuroscience research that can help you understand and counteract that voice.

Tame Your Brain and Negative Self-Talk

The brain’s adaptability is one of its strongest features. However, with repeated negative thoughts, our brain strengthens specific neural pathways, making such thoughts occur more frequently. Think of this like a hiking trail: the more it’s traveled, the clearer it becomes.

Now, this isn’t just a metaphor. A study published in Nature Neuroscience found that neurons in our brains that fire together (think thoughts or behaviors) wire together, solidifying certain patterns and responses.

Moreover, when we entertain negative thoughts, parts of our brain, especially the amygdala, get into overdrive, releasing stress hormones. Prolonged exposure to these hormones can lead to complications like heightened anxiety levels and mood disorders.

Strategies to Harness Your Brain’s Potential

1. Positive Affirmations: A study from the Journal of Positive Psychology highlighted that individuals who practiced positive self-affirmations were more open to behavioral change. So, try to start your day with a positive statement about your health journey, such as “I can make today a great day.”

Taming negative self-talk with neuroscience

 

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: A comprehensive review in JAMA Internal Medicine suggested that meditation can improve anxiety, depression, and pain. By recognizing negative thoughts early, you can prevent them from taking control. There are tons of ways to be mindful. Try pausing to take a few breaths, or focusing on your senses – what you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch, or listening to a guided visualization. Find what works best for YOU!

Mindfulness to retrain your brain

 

3. Reframe and Challenge: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, which revolve around challenging negative patterns of thought and reframing them, have been shown to be effective in various conditions, including anxiety and depression. Next time you think, “I always give up,” try reframing it as, “Each attempt brings me closer to my goal.”

 

4. Neurofeedback:  Also known as EEG (electroencephalogram) biofeedback, neurofeedback is a type of biofeedback therapy focused on the brain. The core idea behind neurofeedback is to provide real-time data about brainwave activity, allowing individuals to learn how to modify their own brain waves. Research from the Journal of Neural Engineering has shown positive results, especially concerning mood regulation.

5. Get Moving: A review in Health Psychology Review indicated that movement can have a positive effect on mood by releasing neurotransmitters like endorphins. The next time you feel stuck in a loop of negative thoughts, consider taking a short walk or doing a quick workout.

Use neuroscience to tame negative self-talk

Along your health journey, remember that evidence-based techniques are at your fingertips to combat negative self-talk – whether you have a perfectionist personality or tend to focus on what you don’t like about your perfectly imperfect body. Start with one and let the momentum build. Embrace the intersection of your own determination and the wonders of neuroscience, and trust that every step forward is progress backed by science.

Want some support to take your mind body health to the next level (no matter where you’re starting at)? Shoot me an email and tell me about yourself and your vision for your Best Self. ✨ Coach Tanya

Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty

What if you could declare your own authentic beauty and experience beauty as a creative, dynamic process?

What if you could inhabit your body with more joy and confidence?

These are the two goals of “Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty,” the 4th competency of The Be Body Positive Model.

The Be Body Positive Model was created by Connie Sobczak and Elizabeth Scott, founders of The Body Positive. It’s a comprehensive framework that aims to promote self-acceptance, healthy body image, and overall well-being.

The model comprises five interrelated competencies, each addressing a fundamental aspect of fostering a healthy relationship with oneself and one’s body.

The 5 Be Body Positive Competencies

  1. Reclaim Health
  2. Practice Intuitive Self-Care
  3. Cultivate Self-Love
  4. Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty
  5. Build Community

These are the fundamental skills I teach in my role as a licensed Be Body Positive Facilitator. When you practice these on a daily basis, you can learn to live peacefully and healthfully in your body.

Proficiency with these skills allows you to care for yourself from a place of self-love and appreciation, leading to alignment with your purpose and life goals. 

Rather than dictating a restrictive or prescriptive set of rules to follow, The Be Body Positive Model uses practical tools, inspiration, and support to empower you to find your own way to lasting health and greater happiness.

Furthermore, research reports empowering benefits.

A Stanford University pilot study showed that The 5 Competencies of the Be Body Positive Model had a positive effect on participants’ self-reported guilt, beliefs of thin ideal, body satisfaction, and social determinants of body image. Among these, “Declaring Your Own Authentic Beauty” stands as a pivotal milestone in the journey towards genuine self-love and acceptance.

Click here to watch THIS IS BEAUTY, a one-minute youtube video of empowering messages from participants in my recent “Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty” workshop.

The Four Benefits – Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty

Declaring your own authentic beauty goes beyond mere appearance. It is an empowering process that encourages you to acknowledge and embrace your true self, beyond the external façade.

It involves recognizing and accepting your inherent worth, strengths, and uniqueness, while shedding societal judgments and unrealistic expectations. By encouraging you to look beyond the superficial, The Body Positive inspires a profound connection to the essence of who you are.

1. Break Free from Societal Norms

In a world obsessed with the “perfect” body, declaring your authentic beauty is an act of rebellion against society’s narrow beauty standards. By acknowledging that beauty is diverse and not confined to a specific mold, you can liberate yourself from the shackles of comparison and self-doubt. This newfound freedom allows you to celebrate your individuality and embrace the beauty within yourself, irrespective of societal norms.

My Beauty Is...Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty

2. Build Resilience and Self-Confidence

When you declare their authentic beauty, you cultivate a sense of resilience that shields you from the harsh criticisms and judgments of others. By finding value in your unique attributes and recognizing that your worth is not tied to external validation, you can develop a profound self-confidence. This newfound self-assurance allows you to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and grace.

My Beauty is My Monster Thighs. Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty

3. Enhance Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being

The journey of embracing one’s authentic beauty is inherently transformative, leading to improved mental and emotional well-being. The Body Positive’s approach nurtures a positive self-image, which can help reduce the prevalence of anxiety, depression, and eating disorders that often result from negative body image issues. By embracing your authentic self, you foster self-compassion, self-acceptance, and a deeper appreciation for life.

4. Cultivate Positive Relationships

The process of declaring one’s authentic beauty not only transforms you as an individual but also enriches your relationships with others. As you become more accepting of yourself, you extend the same compassion and understanding to those around you. This creates a ripple effect, fostering a supportive and nurturing community that celebrates diversity and individuality.

Expand your imagination to behold authentic beauty in yourself and others. ♡ Tanya

Five Transformative Benefits of the Body Positive Approach to Health and Wellbeing

Maybe you’re curious about the benefits of the body positive approach to health. But let’s be honest. The pursuit of health and wellbeing has become intertwined with the pursuit of a perfect body. From social media influencers to glossy magazine covers, the pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards can be overwhelming.

Fortunately, there is a powerful movement that challenges this narrative – the body positive approach. Rather than fixating on achieving one specific “ideal” shape or size, the body positive movement advocates for being the healthiest version of your unique self, in both mind and body.

So let’s dive into why it’s critical to shift away from striving for one specific size or “ideal” image of health and well-being. I hope you find it empowering.

Five Benefits of the Body Positive Approach to Health and Wellbeing

1. Cultivates a Positive Mindset

At the core of the body positive approach lies the concept of self-acceptance and self-compassion.

Instead of berating yourself if you don’t fit into societal’s perfectionist ideals, a body positive mindset encourages you to appreciate and celebrate your body for all that it does. This shift in perspective fosters a positive relationship with yourself, leading you to improved mental wellbeing and reduced stress levels.

When you learn to be more accepting of your body, especially as you move through life stages, you can free yourself from the shackles of comparison and self-criticism, allowing space for self-growth and personal development. 🔥

2. Encourages Health as a Holistic Concept

The body positive approach doesn’t dismiss the importance of health and wellbeing.

Instead, it redefines the concept of health beyond mere physical appearance.

Health is seen as a holistic state, encompassing physical, mental, emotional, existential and social well-being.

This inclusive view promotes balanced and sustainable lifestyle choices that prioritize overall wellness rather than obsessing over numbers on a scale or clothing size.

By recognizing that health is multi-dimensional, you are more likely to adopt habits that nourish both your body and mind.

3. Break Free from Diet Culture

Current approaches to health often revolve around restrictive diets and intense workout regimens, perpetuating a harmful cycle of yo-yo dieting and disordered eating behaviors.

The body positive approach advocates for intuitive eating and listening to our body’s needs. You learn to trust your instincts and respect your body’s cues. This liberated relationship with food fosters a healthier attitude towards eating, reduces the risk of developing eating disorders, and promotes a sustainable and enjoyable way of nourishing our bodies.

4. Boost Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

In a world that often equates beauty with self-worth, adopting a body positive approach can be incredibly empowering. When you embrace your body and celebrate your uniqueness, you cultivate a strong sense of self-confidence and self-esteem.

This newfound self-assurance radiates into all aspects of your life, from personal relationships to professional pursuits.

By rejecting the notion that your worth is contingent on your appearance, you liberate yourself to pursue your passions and dreams without the burden of body-related insecurities holding you back.

5. Foster a Supportive Body Positive Community

The body positive movement thrives on the idea of inclusivity and support. By embracing this approach, you become part of a larger community that champions body diversity and challenges harmful societal norms.

Engaging with like-minded people who prioritize self-love can provide a valuable support network, allowing you to share your experiences, seek guidance, and together we can celebrate our collective victories.

In a world that perpetuates perfectionist health and beauty standards, the body positive approach to health and wellbeing emerges as a refreshing, empowering and transformative perspective.

By redefining health as holistic well-being, you can break free from the harmful grips of diet culture and body shaming. You can lead a fulfilling life with compassion, joy, and gratitude for the incredible vessel that carries you through this beautiful journey called life.

Ultimately, that’s my goal as your coach, to partner with you to be your healthiest self in mind and body.

Want to reap the many benefits of the body positive approach to health? If so, let’s have a conversation. ♡ Tanya

How can I improve my body image?

Positive role models shape a healthy body image

Maybe you’re wondering “how can I improve my body image” in our body perfectionist culture?

Well, what if you knew when you were younger that all bodies aren’t the same?

Every body is different

That’s what 26-year-old pop singer and former “American Idol” contestant, Jax, wished somebody had told her.

This summer she posted “Victoria’s Secret,” a song she wrote about toxic body ideals. And clearly, it resonated – boosting her TikTok followers to over 11.9 million.

The song, inspired by a 14-year-old girl that Jax babysits, fights back against the body shame the teenager experienced while shopping at Victoria’s Secret for a swimsuit. When Jax picked her up from the mall the girl was crying. Her friends had told her that she was “too fat and flat” to wear a bikini, she shared on TikTok. And Jax could relate.

Comparing her body to photoshopped images of false ideals of health, fitness and beauty and “itty bitty models on magazine covers,” led to disordered behaviors with food.

“Can’t have carbs and a hot girl summer. The f—ing pressure I was under to lose my appetite, and fight the cellulite, with Hunger Games like every night” are lyrics from her song.

How can I improve my body image? Know that normal bodies have body fat, cellulite, stretch marks, any signs of being human and living your one precision life.
How can I improve my body image? Know that normal bodies have body fat, cellulite, stretch marks, any signs of being human and living your one precision life.

So, what would Jax go back and tell her younger self?

“I know Victoria’s ‘secret,’” she sings. “She was made up by a dude. She’s an old man who lives in Ohio, making money off of girls like me, cashing in on body issues, selling skin and bones and big boobs.”

Body appreciation shaped in youth

Boy did I need this song some four decades ago. I grew up in Victoria’s Secret culture.

Lamenting my cellulite and lack of “thigh gap,” I sunbathed slathered in Hawaiian Tropic oil, lounging on a plastic lawn chair in my backyard. My 16-year-old self thought being thin and baking in a tanning bed was the answer to my self-worth.

I bought padded bras and bikini tops. I ate my mom’s fat-free Snackwell cookies and Baked Lays potato chips, leaving me hungry too — for pasta with Parmesan and butter sauce. All my behaviors driven by wanting to fit in, belong and feel good in my skin.

How I wish I’d been exposed to diverse role models – real people representing health, fitness, and beauty. Instead, I would spend far too many years trying to attain one “ideal” look.

Role models crucial to body appreciation

Role models matter. They can shape a healthy body image. And body image is broader than just how we think and feel about our physique. It influences our sense of self, says Charlotte Markey, author of “The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless.”

So how can you improve your body image?

Seek out diverse health and beauty role models to create a positive shift for the next generation. Furthermore, it can help us all heal from toxic body messaging.

Heal from toxic body messaging

In addition to Jax, consider Melisa Raouf, 20, who will be the first to completely forgo makeup while competing for Miss England next month. The event introduced a “Bare Face” round in the competition in 2019. Why? Because most contestants were submitting highly edited images of themselves wearing lots of makeup. Organizers wanted women to “show us who they really are without the need to hide behind makeup and filters on social media,” said Angie Beasley in a New York Post article.

Raouf, who hopes to promote inner beauty and challenge the beauty ideals perpetuated on social media, says she been inundated with messages from other young women expressing how much confidence Raouf has given them.

Or how about 37-year-old, Molly Galbraith, co-founder of Girls Gone Strong? Her worldwide health and fitness movement focuses on helping women feel strong, confident and empowered in their lives and bodies.

In addition, we can also learn from Ali Stoker, the first wheelchair-using actor to appear on a Broadway stage and the first to be nominated for and win a Tony Award.

“We’ve been convinced to be more concerned with others’ experience of looking at our bodies than our own experience in living in our bodies” says Stoker in an Everyday Health article titled “Celebrities Who’ve Spoken Out About Body Image.”

And one of my favorite role models in athletics is 41-year-old mom and greatest of all time tennis star Serena Williams, who’s been outspoken about her body throughout her career.

“I look like a normal athlete,” Williams told the Miami Herald in 2015.

We’ve been taught for decades that all bodies can and should be the same shape to be worthy, healthy or beautiful. So William’s message can’t be shared enough.

Normalize normal bodies for body confidence

Consider how you might think and feel about your whole self if you grew up with role models who looked like you — without makeup, wearing a swimsuit or playing your favorite sport.

And let’s remember that the people who influence how we feel and think about our bodies the most are those we encounter everyday — teachers, doctors, coaches, parents.

Read more: Mom’s body attitude shape’s daughters

Jax says that “Victoria’s Secret” was her way to share her personal story with people of all ages and genders. Never compare your body to what you see on media. The song was intended as a message to all corporations, not just Victoria’s Secret, marketing toward people’s insecurities she told PopSugar.

“I hate the idea of anybody losing their sense of self-worth while someone else gets rich off of it” Jax says.

How can I improve my body image? Know your body's worth is infinite.
How can I improve my body image? Know your body’s worth is infinite.

Ultimately, the whole point of her song is to normalize diversity in body types. And it’s working. She’s seeing a “million different shapes and sizes and colors and stories rocking out” to her song and feeling super confident in their skin.

We all can, because now we know Victoria’s real secret is, “She was never made for [real bodies like] me and you.”

Improve your body image by seeking out healthy role models. ♡ Tanya

[Originally published in the September 28, 2022 edition of the Jackson Hole News and Guide.]

Make peace with your summer body

Summertime calls for shorts, tanks and swimsuits. If you love or like your body, no matter what it looks like, terrific. But if you don’t, baring more skin can produce body insecurities. You might find it hard to make peace with your summer body.

Over 91% of women report struggling with some aspect of their appearance. It makes sense when women compare their bodies to perfectionist images that less than 5% of women naturally possess. So that means most of our bodies don’t “measure up.” It’s a frustrating statistic to face when bodies are supposed to be diverse, as our uniqueness is what makes us human.

To address this reality, body positive messages such as “love your body, flaws and all” or “every body is a swimsuit body,” are wonderful, yet it’s understandable if you just can’t relate. Despite seeing progress with body diversity in women’s clothing brands, you’ll still be bombarded with “perfect” images in advertising because creating body insecurities sells — cellulite creams, anti-aging potions or quick- fix weight diets. It’s a multibillion-dollar business that’s not going anywhere.

Because of this unfortunate truth, it’s important to build your body image resilience muscle. To be clear, having a healthy body image isn’t about what your body looks like but how you think and feel about your own body.

Benefits include:

Benefits of healthy body image, make peace with your body
Benefits of healthy body image, make peace with your body

So how can you make peace with your summer body?

Consider the practice of body neutrality.

What is body neutrality?

It’s establishing a neutral relationship with your body. It’s taking the focus off your body’s appearance and placing it on its purpose — as a vessel for living your life, a home for expressing your true self — your spirit, your soul, like you once did when you were a kid.

Kids are body neutral. They simply enjoy their bodies. They use their bodies as a vehicle to live and express themselves instead of defining them by appearance, that is, until they observe that our culture sadly values some bodies over others.

But you can return to valuing your body for its true purpose (and teach your kids, too). You can reap the benefits of having the healthy relationship with your body by practicing these three body neutral skills:

First, if you feel a little (or a lot) “meh” toward your body, shower yourself with self-compassion. What’s self-compassion? It’s the same kindness you would share with your best friend, daughter, or anyone who feels challenged, acknowledging that the lack of body diversity and perfectionist body ideals is one that most women face.

So, practice getting out of your head and back into your body. Humans have a natural tendency toward the negative: What’s wrong with me? You can begin by noticing and naming these thoughts and actively choose to see your body as you once did as a child.

Yes, your brain can be retrained. Mindfulness skills such as meditation and breathing exercises are great practices to break the chain of negative body focus. While it may seem like a simple practice, neuroscience research proves that it works. So make a conscious effort to redirect your brain toward body purpose not appearance.

Second, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to take care of your body, no matter how it appears. We often judge our own health and fitness by our body size. But that’s not true health. A thin body may be healthy or not; a larger body may be healthy or not.

And third, your health is multi-faceted.  If you’re viewing it based solely on the number on the scale, you’re missing critical key factors that affect your wellbeing. These factors, known as your “deep health,” include your physical health as well as your mental and emotional health, the quality of your connection with others, the environment that you live in and existential health: Are you living your life with purpose?

And what brings meaning to your life isn’t the pursuit of body “ideals.”

My intention in writing this article for my column in the Jackson Hole News and Guide has been to shine a light on our limited view on what it means to be healthy, and in particular, how it’s often confused with the “look” of health.

So that’s why my focus as a wellness coach isn’t about you achieving one magical number on the scale but instead on teaching you to build healthy behaviors with your food (not a diet), movement, sleep and stress management skills, while considering all the factors that influence your ability to take care of yourself. And ultimately success is allowing your body to be where it healthiest, instead of focusing on the “look” — the supposed aesthetic of health.

As Dr. Kara Mohr of “Girls Gone Strong” says, “We may have attachment to an ideal body weight, despite powerful evidence that our bodies may be stronger, fitter, faster, healthier at a different weight.”

And finally, I want to leave you with one more critical body neutral practice.

Feel good about yourself in whatever body you have. Wear summer clothes that suit your unique body. And if you’re not comfortable revealing certain body parts with shorts or sleeveless tops, it’s OK.

Wave the white flag. Our hearts our craving more — to be more than our bodies. Let your spirit, your soul, the real you shine through whatever body you were gifted. Be kind to your body. Be compassionate with yourself. Show yourself true self-care. Make peace with your body by practicing body neutrality this summer.

Want to learn how to make peace with your (summer) body? Let’s set up a time to chat so you can share you personal wellness story with me and I can share my deep health approach to your whole health. I’d love be your guide. ♡ Tanya

Women Weigh in on Aging Bodies

Wrinkles. Waistlines. Rippled thighs.

It feels strange to look in the mirror at my 53-year-old body and no longer see my younger self. I’ll be honest, aging isn’t easy when 20-somethings Botox “wrinkles” and Instagram influencers filter and perfect their images and instruct midlife women to “just skip the carbs” to flatten our rounded bellies. (No thanks).

And while I’m certainly not immune to our fix it, fight it, “anti-aging” culture, deep in my heart I simply want to be me and accept and allow my body to age naturally.

I wondered how other women are thinking and feeling about aging and their bodies.

So, I reached out and asked. Here’s what those women, aged 45-87, had to say:

Our 40s:

My thoughts and feelings about my body have been a big obstacle to my happiness and well-being for most of my life. It’s amplified now that I’m seeing the first real signs of aging. There’s resistance to that process and some fear. It feels strange to see extra fat on my abdomen. I still want to be thin and toned. It is very much a mental game that I struggle with.

Our 50s:

It seems like everything went downhill when I turned 50. Menopause is awful — brain fog along with perpetual exhaustion, saggy skin, hot flashes. I’m always looking at serums and creams and medical services. I started Lexapro to help me sleep and find my old self. Pandemic stress hasn’t made it any easier — political division, teenagers missing prom, graduation. I have some “additional COVID me to love” that I can’t lose. I learning to embrace graying hair, wrinkles, and I’m trying to embrace my body.

Our 60s:

I’m sorry I wasted so much of my life worrying about my weight. I think my body is an amazing machine. I feel like I owe it to my body to treat her well.

Our 70s:

I feel better about my body and aging than I ever thought possible. I practice mindfulness meditation, and that has taken me to a deep appreciation for my body. I treat myself as a dear friend and a deep appreciation for all of life.

Our 80s:

I can’t stop my body from aging but do my best by taking daily walks up and down hills. I enjoy it. I think that it is more important than ever to stay active. I feel better and sleep better. So I do not focus much on how old I am. It is just a number.

So, what wisdom can we gain from these women and their experiences with body image and aging?

Aging can take us by surprise. Yet with education it doesn’t have to, and women can shift self-care to focus on a healthy functioning body while softening how they see themselves in the mirror. And overall, women want to see aging normalized and not make women feel wrong if they choose to age naturally. Education matters

“There needs to be more discussion and transparency about women in their 40s and moving toward menopause and the changes that happen and what to expect,” says one 45-year-old woman surveyed, “so it doesn’t feel so scary and wrong.”

Life isn’t about your dress size

When I asked what advice women would give to their younger self, they said:

Put yourself first. Be kinder to yourself. Listen to your body and fuel it with what it wants and needs, not what the current diet fad says you should eat. Body diversity is normal and OK. No one will stop being your friend because you gained weight. Stay active, move your body to feel good mentally and physically not to burn calories or lose weight. Rest. Get more sleep. Wear sunscreen. Play more!

Focus on finding what makes you happy and confident. Living a full life is more important than stressing about your dress size. Give up perfection in appearance. Stop worrying what everyone else thinks of you. You are enough. Have more confidence. Confidence is beautiful.

And ultimately, honor, appreciate and befriend your body because life is precious.

♡ Tanya

Want to read more about how to have a healthy body image as you age? Check out:

How to Embrace Your Aging Body

Body Appreciation is Key to Healthful Aging

(This article was originally published in the Jackson Hole News and Guide, April 13, 2022.

3 Steps to Banish Body Comparison

Do you struggle with body comparison, your body image? What if you could live your best life in whatever body you have?

I’m reading Brene Brown’s new book Atlas of the Heart and was struck by her research on comparison. Brown says that humans are hardwired to default to comparison and that it seems to happen to us rather than be our choice.

She shared a story about her love for swimming and how she used to shift her attention to the person in the next lane which had the potential to ruin her swim. She compared herself to a twentysomething triathlete. (We’ll return to her story below.)

“If we don’t want this constant automatic ranking to negatively shape our lives, our relationships, and our future, we need to stay aware enough to know when it’s happening and what emotions it’s driving” says Brown.

Brown says that the goal is to raise our awareness about how and why comparison happens so we can name them, think about them, and make choices that reflect our values and our heart.

Here’s Brown’s definition of comparison:

Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other – it’s trying to simultaneously fit and stand out. Comparison says, be like everyone else, but better.

Comparison drives big feelings that affect our relationships, self-worth and feelings of well-being.

The good news, she says, is that you get to choose how you’re going to let it affect you. Instead, you can be yourself and respect others for being authentic.

3 Steps to Banish Body Comparison

1. Embrace imperfection.

How did we get to this place where we compare ourselves against perfection? Well, we live in a perfectionist body culture that portrays an “ideal” body type as only looking one way: thin, young and pretty (or muscular, young and handsome). Less than 5% of people naturally possess this body type and of course bodies change as we live, nobody is getting younger and at some point (if ever) we will no longer fit ideal beauty standards.

2. Focus on the positive.

Focus on something you do like about yourself to prevent your mind from automatically hyper focusing on what you don’t (*what I like to call “going down the rabbit hole of sht). For example, if you’ve been hard on your body weight, focus on a feature that you do like. I personally choose to focus on my green eyes.

Be positive. What you focus on expands.

3. See your whole self.

We tend to see ourselves as a bunch of body parts that are judged and scrutinized. We think that others are focusing on and judging the body parts that we don’t like about ourselves but they aren’t (and if they do it’s often because they have their own body insecurities). So, let’s send them kindness and compassion.

Remember, that when you compare yourself to somebody that you feel “looks perfect” that you don’t know how this person feels about themselves on the inside. Body image isn’t about appearance. It’s about how we think and feel about our bodies.

Practice seeing yourself as a whole person, not a sum of body parts. This includes seeing yourself beyond your physical body because you are more than a body.

Let’s show ourselves kindness and self-compassion.

You can retrain your brain to shift away from comparison with awareness and make new choices. And research shows that it works!

So let’s return to Brown’s swimming story. Her new strategy is “to look at the person in the lane next to me, and say to myself, as if I’m talking to them, ‘Have a great swim.’ That way I acknowledge the inevitable and make conscious decision to wish them well and return to my swim. So far, it’s working pretty well,” she says.

Instead of comparing bodies, look for the joy

The more we know, the more we can choose connection over comparison.

– Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart

How does comparison shows up in your life? Shoot me an email and let me know or share a comment or question! I’d love to hear from you. ♡ T

P.S. Looking for body image support? Send me an email to get on the waitlist for my next Be Body Positive Group Coaching class. Get the details here.

Reject dieting and learn Intuitive Eating

Maybe you’ve heard that diets don’t work and believe that diet culture’s “thin(er) is better” messaging is toxic. Yet you, like millions of other Americans, still want to lose weight.

You find yourself wanting a healthy relationship with food but you’re bombarded by the “New Year, New You” pressure to transform your body.

That makes perfect sense. And I get it because I too, as a former fitness expert and “eat this, not that” nutrition professional, fell prey to the “wellness” marketing that says you must, “look good to feel good.” Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves? But remember, it’s diet culture that masquerades as “wellness” that convinces you that only one body type is “healthy” and to tie your self-worth to your looks.

Every January the mental berating in your head goes something like this – “Why can’t I just eat well without needing a “plan” to follow? Why don’t I have the discipline to sustain “success” after 30 days?”

Following the rules of “healthy eating” and restricting your favorite foods is exhausting. You feel guilty for ordering a Domino’s pizza or enjoying a Ghirardelli chocolate square after dinner; it’s only ok to eat these “bad” foods on a “cheat day.”

You’re “good” when you control your portion sizes, yet you’re hungry in an hour. But now it’s after 7pm and you “shouldn’t” eat because the “kitchen is closed.” “How can I possibly be hungry? I just ate.”

Or maybe you “can’t” eat because you’re still within your 16-hour intermittent fasting window. The negative self-talk in your head is loud, rigid, and lacking self-compassion. You wish you could stop thinking about food and your body all day, every day.

Does this sound like wellness? No.

What’s creating all this food drama? Diets.

Learn Intuitive Eating and reject dieting

Diets teach us to follow food rules that restrict or ban foods rather than listen to our own body’s food and self-care needs. Many of us believe that “dieting” is healthy eating and good nutrition. It’s not. Eating healthy includes having a healthy relationship with food. It’s approached gently and respects biodiversity – different bodies, have different needs.

The ✨ good news ✨ is that you can:

Ditch diets and learn how to eat intuitively

Dietitians, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch created Intuitive Eating in 1995, as an anti-diet, a response to the failure of “diet” plans. Intuitive Eating is a self-care eating framework with 10 principles designed to guide you back to attunement or body awareness – listening for and responding to your individual body’s needs for nourishment – physical, emotional, and psychological.

You were born knowing how to eat. As an infant, you cried when you were hungry and turned your head, refusing to eat, when you were full. But over time, you can lose this natural ability to honor hunger and fullness because external forces interfered.

  • Maybe you had to “clean your plate” even if you were full.
  • Or you were served portioned plates and not allowed to have a second helping despite being physically hungry.
  • Perhaps you weren’t allowed to have dessert unless you ate your vegetables.
  • And cookies or chips were forbidden foods in your home so when available you “binged” on them.
  • Or you learned that you “shouldn’t” trust your body’s signals when you first dieted.

So how do you return to eating intuitively?

“The first thing you do in Intuitive Eating is reject that diet mentality – meaning we’re not getting back on that diet this new year, we’re going to reject those juice cleanses and intense programs and start eating food when we’re hungry, we’re going to start making peace with all food,” says clinical mental health counselor and Therapy Thoughts podcast host, Tiffany Roe.

Interviewed on CBS News this month, Roe discussed Intuitive Eating as the antidote to dieting.

“The difference between a really healthy relationship with food and dieting is you feel connected to your body, you feel satisfied, you enjoy variety, you enjoy life, and you can listen and respond to all your bodies cues. Dieting doesn’t give us that result. Dieting is about restriction, obsession, fixation. And its short-term results never stick. We get stuck in this cycle of depending on dieting” says Roe.

So what if you want to eat pizza tonight and feel you shouldn’t?

“What I am going to say is going to go against everything we’ve learned in diet culture. Eat the pizza,” advises Roe.

“The dieting rules trigger an inner rebellion, because they’re an assault on your personal autonomy and boundaries” says Tribole and Resch. A 2012 research study “Dieting and Food Craving” by Massey and Hill provides evidence that dieters experience stronger cravings for the foods restricted on their plans compared to non-dieters.

Learn to eat intuitively and beat sugar cravings

A healthy relationship with food could be enjoying a green smoothie, because you like it – and pizza. Intuitive Eating takes an all foods fit approach to gentle nutrition where pizza isn’t “bad.”

Instead of restricting and banning foods, Intuitive Eating gently guides you back inside your body asking:

What do you need?

♡ Are you honoring your individual hunger and fullness?
♡ Which foods give you pleasure and make you feel good?
♡ And if not food, what are you hungering for in life – making a difference, more pleasure, connection?

You might have one big question:

Will Intuitive Eating make me thinner?

When your mind is stuck on your weight – the goal of diets, it interferes with the foundational concept of Intuitive Eating – body awareness – listening to the physical cues coming from your own body without diet culture “shoulds” and “shouldnts” getting in the way.

Intuitive Eating is an empowerment tool that guides you to trust your body to settle where it’s healthiest, not where diet and “wellness” culture says it “should” be.

Liberate yourself from diet culture and weight obsession in 2022. Reject dieting and eat intuitively. You are the expert of your own body.

To your happiness and health,

  • Tanya

Ready to transform your relationship to food and your body? Get started!

You might also enjoy Intuitive Eating: Do you need to relearn how to eat?

Don’t let diet madness ruin the new year

“When I was little, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I said, ‘Small.’

By the time I was 16, I had already experienced being clinically overweight, underweight, and obese. As a child, fat was the first word people used to describe me, which didn’t offend me until I found out it was supposed to” says Blythe Baird in her spoken word poem video When the Fat Girl Gets Skinny which has received over 4 million views.

She describes a teenaged life filled with eating “skinny-pop,” complimenting each other’s thigh gaps, trying diets she and her friends found on the internet, “Googling the calories in the glue of a US stamp” and “hunching naked over a bathroom scale, trying; crying into an empty bowl of Cocoa Puffs because I only feel pretty when I’m hungry.”

When Baird lost weight, her dad was so proud that he carried her before and after photo in his wallet, relieved that he could stop worrying about her getting diabetes and finally see her taking care of herself.

“If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story” says Baird.

“So when I evaporated, of course everyone congratulated me on getting healthy. Girls at school who never spoke to me before stopped me in the hallway to ask how I did it. I say, “I am sick.” They say, “No, you’re an inspiration.

How could I not fall in love with my illness? With becoming the kind of silhouette people are supposed to fall in love with? Why would I ever want to stop being hungry when anorexia was the most interesting thing about me?”

I share Baird’s story with you with urgency, before the new year, to stress the harms of continually reinforcing the societal norms that we’ve been socialized to accept such as dieting before any major life event, “swimsuit season,” beginning every January or actually just dieting in general.

Think of someone you know whose time, energy, money, physical and emotional health and self-worth – whose life is being stolen by the constant pursuit of maintaining or attaining an “ideal” body shape or size, that is, according to diet culture.

Maybe this person is your best friend, your mother, or you.

Nobody diets for fun

Like Baird, we try to control our bodies to belong, to be accepted as “healthy.” We believe we must “look good to feel good” about ourselves, the diet industry marketing messages promise.

Diet culture equates thinness, muscularity, and particular body shapes with health and moral virtue, according to author of Anti-Diet, Christy Harrison. You can spend your whole life thinking you’re irreparably broken just because you don’t look like this ‘ideal” she says.

And even if you have a small body, you may live with fear of weight gain.

I want you to know that you have a choice. Your only option for love and a content life isn’t to be a slave to the scale and other people’s opinions.

Ditch diet culture

You can choose to opt-out of harmful dieting and diet culture.

Dieting is disordered eating and is one of the strongest predictors for the development of an eating disorder, which can occur across the weight spectrum according to the National Eating Disorders Collaboration.

And you don’t have to be actively “on a diet” to be swept up by the culture of dieting.

Disordered eating habits also include preoccupation with food and your weight, feeling stressed about food and whether you’re eating the “right” or “wrong” foods and rigid food rules. It’s fasting, cleansing, detoxing, skipping meals to save calories, avoiding a type of food or food group, drinking laxative teas.

We can take “healthy” eating too far. There’s a term for this, orthorexia, also disordered eating, which is an unhealthy obsession with eating healthy foods.

The risks associated with disordered eating and dieting include developing a clinical eating disorder, osteoporosis or osteopenia, fatigue and poor sleep quality, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, muscle cramps, feelings of shame, guilt, low self-esteem, depressive or anxious symptoms and behaviors, and nutritional and metabolic problems according to National Eating Disorder Collaboration.

And because diet culture is deeply embedded in Western culture masquerading as health, wellness and fitness, disordered eating habits have become an alarmingly “normal” way to “take care of ourselves.”

Nearly 75% of women reported engaging in disordered eating behaviors in a 2008 survey of over 4,000 women done by UNC and SELF magazine.

“Ideal” weight as myth

But you have another option. You can separate “taking care of yourself” and your “health” from some “ideal” number on the scale.

Think about how we determine a “healthy” weight. It’s measured by BMI (body mass index) – just your height to weight ratio. That’s it. It doesn’t consider your eating or movement habits, muscle mass. It doesn’t factor in a long list of behaviors that impact your health such as smoking. It doesn’t consider your genetics, nor the complexities of health. BMI is a poor determinant of health.

Furthermore, ingrained beliefs that fat poses significant mortality risk are not fact.

Research reported in Weight Science: Evaluating the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift shows that except at statistical extremes, BMI only weakly predicts longevity. People who are “overweight” or “obese” live at least as long as normal weight people, and often longer.

You can’t determine somebody’s health status just by looking at their body size. A small body may be healthy or not and the same is true for a larger body.

Honor Body Differences

With this knowledge, you can choose to honor that your body, other bodies may want to be different than what you and our culture think they should be.

Baird lamented that her “small’ body was the “most interesting about her,” but now as part of her healing “how lucky it is now to be boring,” says Baird.

“My story may not be as exciting as it used to but at least there is nothing left to count. The calculator in my head finally stopped. Now, I am proud I have stopped seeking revenge on this body.”

As the new year approaches and yet another wave of dieting madness tries to steal your self-worth, I want you to know that you have another option: you can ditch the false belief that there’s only one size that’s “healthy,” worthy of love and belonging and make peace with food and your body.

To your happiness and health,

  • Tanya

Ready to transform your relationship to food and your body? Get started!

P.S. (You can watch Blythe Baird deliver her powerful poem, here).

(This article was originally published in the December 8, 2021 issue of Jackson Hole News and Guide.)

Body image can be ‘life thief’ by Jeannette Boner

We’ve all been there. Standing in front of the mirror, pulling at our clothes that seem to stick a little too tightly to our stomachs or arms. Changing out three or four outfits before leaving for the day. Eating a nice lunch out with co-workers while secretly promising ourselves we’ll run an extra 3 miles later or skip dinner that night.

“It’s really easy to get sucked into this kind of thinking,” said Mary Ryan, a Jackson-based certified eating disorder specialist through the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals. “We fixate on whether our pants fit too tightly, or we are constantly asking, ‘Am I getting my heart rate up?’ That mismatch between what we are doing and what is expected of us, it’s real and it can be really difficult to break that cycle of self deprecation.”

Women’s issues can hardly be talked about without shedding some sort of light on the relationship — often fraught — that women have with their bodies. What is healthy? What is culturally prominent and acceptable? Here, two body positive professionals talk about this tension.

The diet industry preys on weaknesses. Scrolling through social media platforms, users are bombarded with ads promising a “new way to eat,” “cleanses for the health conscious” and, of course, the more overt “lose weight now!”

“The pandemic created massive body image issues,” said Tanya Mark, a nutrition therapy practitioner and eating psychology coach in Jackson. “The changes in our lifestyles caused by the pandemic turned us upside down, and the diet culture clamped down. They are spending massive amounts of money on diet methods, and this kind of advertising ramped up tenfold during the pandemic. It’s not our fault that we feel compelled to click on the ‘lose weight’ button. We want to fit into our culture around here.”

Mark is a non-diet nutrition and body image coach in Jackson working to untangle individuals from the self-deprecating web of society’s definition of bodily perfection. She believes strongly that it takes a community to reclaim a holistic approach to health and wellness. Ryan is a licensed clinical social worker and registered dietitian nutritionist with a Master of Science degree in foods and nutrition.

While she and Ryan operate different practices in Jackson, both are committed and passionate advocates working to defend and reclaim our health against the untold damage that dieting and the culture of dieting leave in their wake.

“We’re off swimming in this toxic pool of what our bodies are supposed to be like,” Ryan said. “I’ve had a lot of my own issues with food at different times in my life. I remember the first time I heard the term ‘muffin top,’ and I had all these mixed emotions. These kinds of terms can send people spiraling.”

All of that is easier said than done in Jackson, where post-powder day debriefs are epic stories of how high and how deep the snow was that day. Trail runs are not meandering walks through the woods but instead often a means to push back on what aging is naturally doing to our bodies. Even walking the dog can become a hike up Munger Mountain instead of a stroll through the park.

“My work is really about helping our community to build community around the practice of separating what our body looks like from what is fitness and health,” Mark said. “And that is not easy, and it is difficult to do alone. We are constantly bombarded with these images of perfection. When you consider that less than 5% of women have this perfect ideal of what a body should look like while society tries to sell us this perfection, it’s really hard on all of us. I think first we need to educate and create awareness and shift our thinking from the idea that what you are seeing in the mirror is not the problem. The problem is the perfect cultural ideals that are more prominent in the Jackson area.”

In January, CNBC reported that 45 million people in the United States pursue weight loss programs. “Diet and weight loss have grown to be a $71 billion industry, yet according to studies — 95% of diets fail,” read the report.

Ryan, like many of us, moved to the Tetons for the love of the big landscapes and endless adventures. And while so much of the Jackson lifestyle is found in pursuit of the mountaintop experience, Ryan slowly peeled away some of the darker realities of Jackson’s “healthy” lifestyles.

“We don’t understand how it’s impacting us,” she said of the high pursuit of the ultimate Jackson lifestyle modeled by uber athletes and the bodily perfection that follows. “And what is that costing us? What is the cost of you not beating yourself up, juggling kids, work and everything else, because you didn’t get up Glory? I think awareness of what we trade off is just a process of all that we have to go through. You don’t figure out your body image problems and live happily ever after.”

Ryan explains on her website, “Beyond Broccoli,” that her mission “has always been to guide and support you toward nutrition changes for health and well-being. I have expanded this mission with my additional therapy skills for us to work together towards any lifestyle changes that help you make your life better.”

Mark is also sounding the alarm on diet culture and specifically where it seeps into the Jackson culture. She said the diet industry has changed the way it uses certain terms. “Clean,” “detox” — those words are really the same as the word “diet,” Mark said.

“My clients are women who are badass,” Mark said. “But this piece really holds them back, this piece that we spend so much time and energy on that we could be using to live. It’s what Christy Harrison calls the ‘life thief.’ We change our clothes three times before we think about going out, and then we just don’t go out. Or you don’t take your daughter to the Rec Center because you are uncomfortable in your bathing suit. We are smart, successful women, but this piece, this way of seeing our bodies as less than perfect, can be crushing and hold us back. That is where we need to do this work collectively.”

“We have so much more power collectively as a group,” she said.

Mark hosts group workshops that bring clients together to share struggles and triumphs where body image, health and well-being intersect. “This is about reclaiming our health back from diet culture. I really encourage our community to dive deeper. The ultimate step for us is to move beyond beauty and be more than a body. Our body is a fraction of who we are.”

Mark considers for a moment and then asks, “Think about all the women who you admire. The fact that you admire them has nothing to do with what they look like.”

Ryan cites some sobering statistics from the National Eating Disorders Association, the largest nonprofit organization working to support people with eating disorders. According to NEDA, by the age of 6, girls will begin to express concerns about their weight or shape. NEDA points to 40% to 60% of elementary school girls ages 6 to 12 years of age are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. This concern endures through life.

Additionally, 70% of elementary school girls who read magazines say that the pictures influence their concept of the ideal body shape, with 47% of them saying the pictures make them want to lose weight.

“The two biggest areas I work with with clients are in orthorexia, which is an unhealthy obsession with eating healthy. And the second is hyper-exercising,” Ryan said. Both of which, she said, are prevalent and even a celebrated way of life in Jackson Hole.

“Jackson attracts people who have a high level of perfection and high levels of achievement,” she said. “So many of my clients don’t have a healthy perspective when it comes to eating and exercising. So many have an active lifestyle but feel if they don’t top a four-hour trail run or didn’t hike Glory that day then they didn’t do anything to contribute to their overall well-being. That is such an impossible standard, even for a young person.”

“I think that we are still sort of caught up in the expectations of what our bodies are supposed to be,” she said. “Because I specialize in disordered eating, many of my clients present problems with their relationships with food or their bodies. My clients want to change their bodies, and that can mean gaining muscles or losing weight. They say, ‘I’m so tired of not liking my body. I don’t want to fight my body.’ There are years and decades that they have been struggling, and they are tired and don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

“We are obsessed with wellness and wellness culture,” Ryan said. “We don’t even know how to separate weight from wellness. Because we do have this bubble of uber athletes in Jackson, what I am seeing more and more of are people who are desperate to not get to another size and to maintain this high standard of eating clean. That’s like nails on a chalkboard, ‘clean eating.’ When I eat Ben and Jerry’s, I am not eating dirty. I am sorry, I am not.”

There is hope, always. And that first step toward healing and relearning and to looking at ourselves through a healthier lens is much harder than the last push to cresting Glory.

“With bodily dissatisfaction, trying to fill in the ‘blank’ in ‘enough’ with words like ‘strong enough, ‘fit enough.’ We live in this culture where we are not enough. It’s a little bit of an oversimplification, but if we can take a step back and be curious about what is going on, that’s a first big step,” Ryan said.

“I am seeing the shifts,” Mark said. “I am starting to see a shift in magazine articles and how they talk about body and image. I’m seeing it in the community’s desire to separate wellness from weight. We are seeing some changes in society, and I’m having these conversations locally with yoga and fitness instructors. We’re talking about how we talk about health, from mental health to emotional and social health, and we can separate these from the scale.”

Mark added: “We have some work to do and we can do it. The power that we have is in the collective community. I’m hoping we will get there.”

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Contact Jeanette Boner via wnroyster@jhnewsandguide.com

“It’s not our fault that we feel compelled to click on the ‘lose weight’ button. We want to fit into our culture around here.” Tanya Mark non-diet nutrition and body image coach